In typical Discordian fashion, my cohorts and I recently accosted the Vancouver citizenry with pertinent questions.  Some were more willing than others, don’t worry though, they all had thumbs.  We checked.

You can’t dust for vomit.

So we made a survey of about twelve questions we thought were important to us and to Discordianism in general.  The nature of the survey allowed us to draw certain correlations between two, three, hell even five of the questions.  The conclusions we I came to were quite staggering…

We’ve got armadillos in our trousers.

When asked which colour they thought up was, most of the people surveyed ignored us completely.  The few that did answer that particular question thought that up was black.  Now that might not be the most interesting morsel of knowledge, but combine that with our discovery that all of the people surveyed flat out refused to ask for my number and we are left with this inevitable conclusion:

Look at those lines! SO jagged!

Pretty impressive, huh?

The other conclusion I came to was even more disturbing.  Of all those who participated in the survery, 50% said that they would kill a kitten if it would result in a scientific revolution.  That same 50% also had skirts on th-PINK FLAMINGO-ier beds.  Combined with these relevant statistics, I am forced to conclude that pants are holding us back as a society.

More discord to follow…