Year of Faith

You are probably wondering about the numbers in the banner, aren’t you?

Well, we shall get to that in due time, but first, I must sprinkle you with fairy dust. Or rather, since I am most likely no where near you at this time, I am going to have to ask you to sprinkle fairy dust on yourself. Go ahead, I’ll wait.

Ready? Good, now get that fairy crap off of your head and pay attention.

First of all, stay calm. Remember what the good book said- DON’T PANIC. Be sure you have a case. No sense in putting up with Aphex Twin if you aren’t going to be prepared. Make a goal to write things down (consult the Things You’ll Need section below). Clearly state a problem. That time you saw your father in a bee suit will do nicely. Do not bother to make a goal to communicate, if you got past the last step you would have already done this.

In summary- give the business three chances to correct the problem, then claim the place in the name of Spain. They will understand.

In the Beginning…

The central text of Discordianism, the PRINCIPIA DISCORDIA or How I Found Goddess And What I Did To Her When I Found Her: The Magnum Opiate Of Malaclypse The Younger, Wherein is Explained Absolutely Everything Worth Knowing About Absolutely Anything, was written somewhere around 1959 by Malaclypse the Younger, and Omar Khayyam Ravenhurst (known to us lesser mortals as Greg Hill and Kerry Thornley , respectively). But don’t believe everything you hear.

It is quite a hilarious read, with lots of random bits of humor. Jokes and random quotations from Nietzsche, Bohr, and Discordian characters are scribbled in the margins, reminding us that chaos can be a lovely and valuable point of view. There are, however, more than a few pages which try to bring across the seriousness of the Discordian philosophy, which I will do my best to convey. Everything you need to know about Discordianism is in the Principia, as well all the practices and beliefs of the Paratheo-Anametamystikhood Of Eris Esoteric, or POEE (the sect of Discordianism that Omar and Malaclypse created).

It is currently in it’s fifth edition with reprintings from Loompanics and Steve Jackson Games, among others. The Principia is in the public domain so please either download or acquire a copy, as I plan to be quoting from it extensively. You can follow along if you would like. Fnord.

Down to Basics…

Discordianism is a kind of antithesis to almost all the religions we will be practicing through the year. Religions tend to posit an inherent order in the universe, and a set of rules to be followed in order to set yourself right. Discordianism argues that chaos and disorder are also valid viewpoints and that there is nothing wrong with cultivating disharmony in the face of an overwhelmingly bureaucratic madness.

The principle figure and deity of Discordianism is the Greek goddess Eris, god of chaos and discord. It was Eris who illuminated Omar and Mal to the value of discord, inspired them to create POEE, and revealed the sacred Chao, the symbol of Discordianism. This revelation is described on pages 00007- 00010 of the Principia, here are some choice excerpts:

…a splendid woman whose eyes were as soft as feather and as deep as eternity itself, and whose body was the spectacular dance of atoms and universes. Pyrotechnics of pure energy formed her flowing hair, and rainbows manifested and dissolved as she spoke in a warm and gentle voice:

I have come to tell you that you are free. Many ages ago, My consciousness left man, that he might develop himself. I return to find this development approaching completion, but hindered by fear and by misunderstanding.

You have built for yourselves psychic suits of armor, and clad in them, your vision is restricted, your movements are clumsy and painful, your skin is bruised, and your spirit is broiled in the sun.

I am chaos. I am the substance from which your artists and scientists build rhythms. I am the spirit with which your children and clowns laugh in happy anarchy. I am chaos. I am alive, and I tell you that you are free.

During the next months [Mal and Omar] studied philosophies and theologies, and learned that Eris or Discordia was primarily feared by the ancients as being disruptive. Indeed, the very concept of chaos was still considered equivalent to strife and treated as a negative. “No wonder things are all screwed up,” they concluded, “they have got it all backwards.” They found that the principle of disorder was every much as significant as the principle of order.

With this in mind, they studied the strange yin-yang. During a meditation one afternoon, a voice came to them:

It is called the Sacred Chao. I appoint you Keepers of It. Therein you will find anything you like. Speak of Me as Discord, to show contrast to the pentagon. Tell constricted mankind that there are no rules, unless they choose to invent rules. Keep close the words of Syadasti: ‘TIS AN ILL WIND THAT BLOWS NO MINDS. And remember that there is no tyranny in the State of Confusion. For further information, consult your pineal gland.

“What is this?” mumbled one to the other, “A religion based on The Goddess of Confusion? It is utter madness!”

And with those words, each looked at the other in absolute awe. Omar began to giggle. Mal began to laugh. Omar began to jump up and down. Mal was hooting and hollering to beat all hell. And amid squeals of mirth and with tears on their cheeks, each appointed the other to be high priest of his own madness, and together they declared themselves to be a society of Discordia, for what ever that may turn out to be.“

There are a few important Discordian laws which are laid out early on in the Principia, such as the Pentabarf, or Five Commandments of Discordianism. The Pentabarf was reportedly discovered by the hermit Apostle Zarathud in a manner satirically similar to Joseph Smiths discovery of the Book of Mormon. The commandments are as follows:

Carbonfasern können mit einem Material beschichtet werden, um das Handhaben zu verbessern, generisch bekannt als Sizing. Die Sizingmaterialien sind gewöhnlich Epoxidharze. Sie können biologisch aktive und Ursache.

• There is no Goddess but Goddess and She is Your Goddess. There is no Erisian Movement but The Erisian Movement and it is The Erisian Movement. And every Golden Apple Corps is the beloved home of a Golden Worm.

• A Discordian Shall Always use the Official Discordian Document Numbering System.

• A Discordian is Required during his early Illumination to Go Off Alone & Partake Joyously of a Hot Dog on a Friday; this Devotive Ceremony to Remonstrate against the popular Paganisms of the Day: of Catholic Christendom (no meat on Friday), of Judaism (no meat of Pork), of Hindic Peoples (no meat of Beef), of Buddhists (no meat of animal), and of Discordians (no Hot Dog Buns).

• A Discordian shall Partake of No Hot Dog Buns, for Such was the Solace of Our Goddess when She was Confronted with The Original Snub.

• A Discordian is Prohibited of Believing what he reads.

There is also the Law of Fives which states that, “All things happen in fives, or are divisible or are multiples of five, or are somehow directly or indirectly appropriate to 5.” The law of fives is never wrong. Hopefully this has sated your curiosity as to our choice of banner for this month. If it has not, you are clearly a cabbage or something.

The Hardest thing about loving a mad scientist is when they fall in love with the demon squid they created while joyriding in your own dreams.” - W.C. Fields

Spreading the Word, How King Kong Died for your Sins…

Step One- Insert Tab.

Step Two- Twist tab counterclockwise. If you experience pain, nausea, or unexpected protrusions, apply lemon slices with a dash of gin directly to the affected area. Do not call 911.

Step Three- Contact the Vatican Information Centre at 06-698-8333 and demand a poem by E.E. Cummings to be recited by a Cardinal of your choosing.

Discordianism is all about creating discord, a good example being The Myth of the Golden Apple and The Doctrine of the Original Snub, described on pages 00017 and 00018 of the Principia:

It seems that Zeus was preparing a wedding banquet for Peleus and Thetis and did not want to invite Eris because of Her reputation as a trouble maker.*

This made Eris angry, and so She fashioned an apple of pure gold** and inscribed upon it KALLISTI (”To The Prettiest One”) and on the day of the fete She rolled it into the banquet hall and then left to be alone and joyously partake of a hot dog.

Now, three of the invited goddesses,*** Athena, Hera, and Aphrodite, each immediately claimed it to belong to herself because of the inscription. And they started fighting, and they started throwing punch all over the place and everything.

Finally Zeus calmed things down and declared that an arbitrator must be selected, which was a reasonable suggestion, and all agreed. He sent them to a shepherd of Troy, whose name was Paris because his mother had had a lot of gaul and had married a Frenchman; but each of the sneaky goddesses tried to outwit the others by going early and offering a bribe to Paris.

Athena offered him Heroic War Victories, Hera offered him Great Wealth, and Aphrodite offered him the Most Beautiful Woman on Earth. Being a healthy young Trojan lad, Paris promptly accepted Aphrodite’s bribe and she got the apple and he got screwed.

As she had promised, she maneuvered earthly happenings so that Paris could have Helen (the Helen) then living with her husband Menelaus, King of Sparta. Anyway, everyone knows that the Trojan War followed when Sparta demanded their Queen back and that the Trojan War is said to be The First War among men.

And so we suffer because of the Original Snub. And so a Discordian is to partake of No Hot Dog Buns.

Do you believe that?
________________

* This is called THE DOCTRINE OF THE ORIGINAL SNUB
** There is historic disagreement concerning whether this apple was of metallic gold or acapulco.
*** Actually there were five goddesses, but the Greeks did not know the Law of Fives.“

Operation Mindfuck is another important example of Discordianism in action. This term was created by Robert Anton Wilson and Robert Shea in their Illuminatus! Trilogy which was heavily influenced by the Principia and Discordianism. http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Skeletor. Operation Mindfuck is a kind of counterculture campaign of activism, guerrilla art, performance art, culture jamming, practical jokes, and generally breaking people out of their socialized norms and every day lives with something beautiful, interesting, and thought provoking.

General confusion can also be spread with the use of the word fnord. Fnord has no real meaning, and was invented principally to insert irrelevant information into meaningful ideas. Wikipedia describes it as a “typographic representation of disinformation” which sounds awfully fnord.

Finally, what you need to keep in mind, dear reader, is that Discordianism, despite it’s drug-induced, and relatively early beginnings, is really just as valid as any of the other religions we shall be practicing. True, it does tend to make fun of dogma and blind faith, and people taking things too literally. But to be fair, these are all aspects of a lack of critical thought, not just having faith. One can follow their god without taking everything so seriously, one can have a religion that takes, “… humor seriously, and seriousness humorously.” I realize it may seem like an odd choice, but I will leave the further defense of choosing Discordianism as part of the Year of Faith for my own personal entries.

It’s like Calvinball- make it up as you go, and have fun.

How we will Ferment Discord…

• Well, we shall be reading the whole of the Principia Discordia, as it is a small book. Optional readings will be selections from the Apocrypha Discordia and/or the Illuminatus! Trilogy.

• We shall be following the Pentabarf as well as observing the law of fives, which means partaking of hotdogs every Friday.

• Perhaps a pilgrimage to a bowling lane to try to solve the world’s problems and become enlightened as Omar and Malaclypse were.

• Playing a few games of Sink:SINK is played by discordians and people of much ilk.PURPOSE- To sink object or an object or a thing…in water or mud or anything you can sink something in.

  RULES: Sinking is allowed in any manner. To date, ten pound chunks of mud were used to sink a tobacco can. It is preferable to have a pit of water or a hole to drop things in. But rivers- bays- gulfs- I daresay even oceans can be used.Turns are taken thusly; whosoever gets the junk up and in the air first

  DUTY- It shall be the duty of all persons playing “SINK” to help find more objects to sink, once one object is sunk.

  UPON SINKAGE- The sinker shall yell “I SANK IT” or something equally as thoughtful.

  NAMING OF OBJECTS is some times desirable. The object named by the finder of such object and whoever sinks it can say for instance , “I sunk Columbus Ohio”.

• We will also be generally random, creative, thinking outside the box, and all that.

Fnord.